no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
