im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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