This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My pussy is not your playground.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Enjoy the penises
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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