it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
