I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
