I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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