I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize