my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize