I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
