im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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