yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
