it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
