I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
