It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
