so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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