Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
