Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My liver is preforming stress tests.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
