I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
