i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
