Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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