Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
