I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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