So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
