You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
