i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
