I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize