My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
