I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
