He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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