Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
