and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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