Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
