woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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