Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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