You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
