So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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