chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize