i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize