this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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