i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
