My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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