I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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