i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
