im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
