my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
