Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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