i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize