I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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