I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
