you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
