So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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