Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
