every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
