Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
