like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
how does that bad decision feel?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
