and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
