im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
