Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
