If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
