With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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