Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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