Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
