Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
bring money and cleavage
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
