He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
