Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
