just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
