I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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